Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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