i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
