She announced her abortion via fbk
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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