Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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