I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
