what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
