So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
