found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
