Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
