hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
