So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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