Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
