do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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