Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
