Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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