Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
