how can u be prego again
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
