I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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