I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
