ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
