My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
