It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I am puke
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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