The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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