i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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