Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.