fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
