So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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