Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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