im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
