honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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