I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize