so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
