All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
