I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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