U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
