I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
