glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
