all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
