Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize