just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
