need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
