Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
