just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
