How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
