When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
