From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
