epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
