Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have demons in me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
