i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
