Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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