When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
