Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
