my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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