I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
