I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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