Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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