Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
