Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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