Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
